| Bio: | I was born on a yacht in the southern Mediterranean, where I was also raised until the age of seven, at which point (upon the insistence of my mother) we docked at Carthage. It was in Tunisia that my father met his untimely demise, owing largely to the seizures of an epileptic fire-eater and a runaway ferret. My mother and five brothers passed away of typhus shortly thereafter, having blindly consumed several pounds of unpasteurized goat cheese in the frenzy of their grief. I journeyed east to seek my fortune and spent a number of years wandering the back alleys of Tripoli -- and later, Alexandria and Cairo. I turned to a life of juvenile delinquency, reaping the profits of an innate talent for pickpocketing and petty theft. It was in Cairo that I met Ororo Munro, who befriended me after I attempted to steal her sun-hat. Later that year I flew in her company to Westchester, New York, where I was invited to join Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters. Politely declining the professor's offer, I hitched a ride to Lawrence, KS, with a truck driver who once sang back-up for The Four Seasons and claimed the body of Jimmy Hoffa could be found in Frankie Valli's walk-in freezer. In Lawrence I made a name for myself as the lone male in the 18-24 demographic harboring absolutely no desire to smoke pot. It is here that I presently reside, living comfortably off my father's life insurance payments and freelance clarinet-playing. In the fall I expect to attend the University of Helsinki on a full scholarship. |
